Bea Garcia: Tale of a Scaredy-Dog

Chapter 1
SOPHIE’S ILLUSTRATED DICTIONARY OF DOG
Author, noun: someone who writes a book, article, or anything

Here’s the author of Sophie’s Illustrated Dictionary of Dog. Yep-a dog. Not just any dog, though. It’s my Sophie, the smartest dog in the world.
Here she is holding a pencil. Sophie loves pencils. She doesn’t love to write with them because paws are not very good for holding pencils. My new almost best friend Judith Einstein told me why.
Dogs don’t have opposable thumbs.
That’s a fancy way of saying that paws are not very good for holding pencils. Sophie does love to chew pencils, especially the outer wood part.
The gray inside writing part makes her sick.
I love pencils, too, only I don’t usually chew them. I usually draw with them.
This is me, Bea Garcia.
I draw pictures of EVERYTHING. Here’s Sophie chasing a stick in our backyard.
Here’s Super Sophie chasing a stick in outer space.
I write words with pencils, too. I’m writing the words and drawing the pictures for this book, the one you’re holding in your hands.
I’m also writing the words that Sophie tells me for her dictionary.
You’re transcribing Sophie’s book.
That’s a fancy way of saying I’m writing the words that Sophie tells me.
Human, noun: a dog’s best friend
JUST KIDDING! Sophie doesn’t really speak English-or Spanish-or any other human language.
She does understand some human words.
Biscuit!
Fetch!
Other words she only understands when she wants to.
Come!
Stay!
Sophie speaks Dog.
Woof!
Woof means everything-yes, no, up, down, why, here, there, no way. It all depends on how she says it.
When Sophie calls me Woof she means it as a compliment.
Woof!
I’m Sophie’s human. She has other humans, like my little brother, the Big Pest, but I’m the only one who understands EVERYTHING she says.
Sophie doesn’t just say Woof. She talks with her tail, too.
I’m so HAPPY to see you!!
See? Here she’s saying…
Please, may I have another biscuit? I’ve been good!
I learned Sophie’s special tail language by drawing her.
Right now Sophie’s saying…
HELP!!!
Here’s why. This is Bert.
GRRROWLL!
He’s a monster. Really.
He scares my little brother and my not-so brave-but-really-smart dog, Sophie.
Scaredy cat! Scaredy dog!
Bert lives next door in the house where my best friend, Yvonne, lived until she moved a million miles away to Australia.
Bert doesn’t scare me. He makes me mad. He calls me names.
Buzzy Bea! Bumble Bea! Jumble Bea! Dumbo Bea!
Lately he’s been calling me…
BEA BRAIN!!
Einstein tried to make me feel better.
Perhaps he meant that as a compliment. Bees are actually very smart even though their brains are tiny.
But compliments are nice and Bert is not. Getting a compliment from Bert would be like eating ice cream made out of onions. Even if you put a cherry on top, it would taste awful.
Einstein and I sit next to each other in class. She knows everything. Well, almost everything. She doesn’t know monsters.
Monsters are imaginary.
But Bert is very real.
BEA BRAIN!
Monster Mouth!!
Beatrice Holmes Garcia!
That’s my mom. I’m not sure my mom understands monsters, either.
You can be nice and stand up for yourself at the same time.