Caprice

SATURDAY, AUGUST 23, 10:11 A.M.
I’m supposed to be packing, but I really can’t get it together. Sitting on the floor, surrounded by all my clothes and books and stuff, all I can think is: Why does it have to end like this? My seven weeks here went by in something like five seconds, and if it wasn’t for what happened last night, everything would have been perfect. But now, it’s all over. I need more time.
I shake my head and try to let go of all my feelings. I need to focus. Mom and Dad are gonna be here any minute and I know the first thing Mom is gonna say is, “Why aren’t you packed? When we talked yesterday, I told you to make sure you were ready when we got here.”
And Dad will say something like, “Saturday traffic is so unpredictable, Caprice. It can be almost as bad as weekdays, especially on Route 17.” It’s a little after ten o’clock in the morning, and good thing they’re late
because I can use the extra time. It’s hard to finish packing when I don’t
really wanna leave.
I fold my T-shirts into perfect little rectangles. Too perfect. But all the folding and perfecting keeps me from thinking about anything else, keeps me from slipping into my feelings.
It keeps me from thinking about last night and how I messed everything up.
All of a sudden I’m hit with a wave of heavy sadness again.
“You okay?” my roommate Terra asks with that cute New Zealand accent I’m really gonna miss.
I glance up at her just long enough to see the worry in her eyes. Then I
look away. “Um, I’m sorry I ruined your last night. I didn’t mean to-” “It’s not my last night, silly. I’ll be back in a week.” She sits on the floor next to me.

“You know what I mean. I made you leave the party early and-” “Caprice, I just want you to be alright,” she says. “I mean, last night I …” She shakes her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what to do.” “You did everything right,” I say. “Seriously.”
The truth is, I still don’t know why I fell apart. It was scary. It’s still scary. I used to be able to keep all of it inside, but now, I don’t know. Maybe I can’t anymore.
“Do you wanna talk to your parents about it? I mean, maybe they-”
“No way!” The words tumble out of my mouth. “Can we just act like
everything’s normal?” “No problem.” She gives me a weak half smile. “Nothing happened.”
I breathe out and smile back. “Thanks.”
I lean over and give Terra a hug. All I have to do is try to let all those
feelings go. My parents will be here any minute. When I talked to Mom yesterday, she got another call in the middle of our conversation. It was someone calling from Baltimore, so she had to go. Probably something about Grandma.
After we hung up, I don’t know. It was hard to get in the mood for the party. Like, I hadn’t heard Mom mention Grandma in forever, and now, outta nowhere, she was getting a phone call about her. It kinda made me wonder what was going on, if Grandma was okay.
I still don’t know. But I try to push that out of my mind, too. I stand up and look around the room one last time. Terra’s side is lavender and gray and overloaded with books. My side looks like I was never here.
It’s gonna be harder leaving Ainsley International School than I ever thought it would be. It’s hard to explain, but I feel it. This seven-week Summer Leadership Program, and just being here, has changed me. On the outside, I know I’m still me, the same girl from Newark I was when I got here. But inside, I can feel it. I’m different.
I grab my phone off the desk and text Mom.

are u here

No answer.